How Long Ago Exactly Was It?
by whitewolfkruger
Summary: Three years after everything settles down and Kagome is threatened with her inner feelings to even look back to the well. She fights to go back, but will she ever be the one in his eyes? Rated M for cuts and thoughts of suicide. Up to you if you want to read.


**This is most likely going to be a one shot. I just got this sides while looking at the picture I used as the cover. Please Review and tell me how it was for you. I respect everyone's opinion. So please.**

**Disclaimer; I do not own any thing but my writing. **

**_WK_**

How long ago was it? Just about how long ago was it when I last went? It was three years. three years and I never came back to him. I was left alone. He truly never loved me. As much as I loved him, he had his eyes on Kikyo, not me.

I can never win his heart, but I can't help how I feel for him. Just wanting him close to me, I had that for how long, how long have I been by his side trying to fix the jewel shard that I had shattered? It was only one year that I had spent, but it seemed like half. It was never truly a year, but more like half.

I love him, but I just can't go back. Just when I was about to confess to him, I was sucked back to my own time. The well closed up after that, but after so long, it made that small humming sound that I heard once before. But who knows how long it will last?

I always look to it, fear building up in me. Has he already forgotten about me? It has been three years, and he never really cared for me. It was only Kikyo, Kikyo. I want him so much, for three years I have longed for him.

I kept waiting for the day when the well opens up, but now that the day came, I'm scared. I'm scared of what is to happen. Will they recognize me, or will they think of me as an ordinary person?

I want to jump in. I want to, but the darkness that lurks in my heart keeps stopping me. All the guilt and regret build up, leaving me hopeless. So many tears had fallen from my face, I cried and cried for nights.

My love is what stops me. The darkest corner of my mind lurks out, and I just walk away. I walk away from the well. I don't turn back. I keep looking forward.

My grandfather has passed away, and he left the temple in the name of my mother. But she don't want it. I'm 18 right now, and once I turn 19, it is written in my name.

But I don't think that I can live with this guilt. I don't even deserve to be near it. I stay locked up in my room, trying to keep myself under control, but it never happens.

I reach up and pick up the razor that lies under my pillow. It was bloodstained, and as I pull up my long sleeve, there shows many scars. Every cut is from everyday that I regretted everything. If I had never gone into the well, then I would have never been caught up in this horrible triangle.

And these cuts would never be here. But I can't change what happen to me. It's the chains of fate, pulling hard on my small life. I lifted the razor over my wrist, cutting deep into the skin.

Blood seeped down my wrist and onto the wooden floor. I never felt any pain. I only felt my aching heart. The blood stops eventually, but my aching heart will never. I love him too much.

Just staring at the red liquid on my open wrist, it calms me. I pull out the razor before making another cut. I make more red, falling down and making a large red puddle underneath, almost reaching my skirt.

I stop, watching how it falls in long drips, leaving a red thin line before getting thick with another drop. It amuses me, how after all these years I have managed to stay alive. I wanted so much to give up on life, but I was never successful.

Why? Why am I to be hurt so much like this? I never did anything wrong. I only fell in love. Is that so wrong? Was it wrong for me to fall in love? Am I never to know true love?

What do you want from me? Why keep me alive and suffering from all this misery? I can't live like this no more. I just can't. It pains me so much that I don't care anymore.

I sat there, crying again. Crying my feeling out, wanting to pour out how I feel, but no one is waiting for me anymore. My younger brother forgot all about the well, claiming that I became mental.

And at that time, I thought that I was. I thought that I was living in a fantasy that will never come true. But one thing showed me that it was true. It was the golden heart pendent.

I don't know how it came, but I remembered that I gave it to InuYasha. So why did I have it? I'll tell you. Before the hole sucked me away, he placed it in my hands, knowing that he could not stop it.

Was he only toying with my feelings? Did he want to say that this was his way of getting rid of me? No, he could have thrown it away. So why? What did he really want with me. I threw the pendent across the room, and it broke in two. I wrapped my wrist with a cloth as I cleaned up my blood.

The two hearts were no longer one. It was only a shattered heart, just like mine. I bent down and picked it up. Then a piece of paper fell out, and it was the picture of him. I picked it up and started to cry, just looking at his face saddened me.

I tossed it away, curling up and pulling my legs close to me. I cried again, feeling the guilt come back. Then as I threw the pendent, another piece of paper fell, and it was a small note.

Fear engulfed me. Who knows why could be on that note? It could be almost anything. I hesitantly reached out for it, touching it with caution. Then I lightly gripped it and brought it up to my face. There in his handwriting was a small sentence.

**_"Kagome, I don't know when you will ever get this, but please come back."_**

The sound of his voice entered my head, and more tears fell heavily from my face, and I sobbed. Did he know that something like that was going to happen? Why did he want me back?

He loved Kikyo, did he not? It has to be a trick. This can't be true. It has to be a dream. I can live in a delusional world like this. I need to get on with my life. And the only way, was to go... back.

To go back, no! What am I thinking?! I have to be kidding! I can't! No, I just can't... It can be true! It saddens my heart thinking about it all. But if I never go back, how will I go on? Will luck finally give me a break and let me kill myself?

But even if I do, I just can't. I ripped up the note, more tears falling down. I cried that night, I cried until I passed out. Just like every other night, I never had a good nights sleep. Will I finally go back? I don't know.

And as always, I woke up alone. No one lived in the temple anymore. It was only me and myself. Ever since Gramps died, no one came by anymore. It became abandoned mostly.

And the only reason why I stay around is because no one will come here. I can be left alone here, no one can come and bother me here. It's like my own private island.

I lifted the covers and I sat up, trying to muster my strength to get back up. I stood up, and when I took a look at the floor, the memory of last night hit me.

I shielded my eyes away from it, not wanting to see it. I exited the room, and I looked at my wrist. The blood seeped through the cloth. I went to the nearest sink and turned on hot water as I laid my wrist under.

The water melted away the dried blood, and I unwrapped it carefully before throwing it into the trash. The cuts left a slim red line, but there was a thick one. I turned off the water before wrapping my arm with a wrap. I went back into my room, not looking on the floor.

I undressed, and I put on a regular plain long sleeved white shirt, and a pair of black pants. I brushed out my hair and pulled it back into a low ponytail. I never bothered to cut it, and it became long.

I opened my closet and there I stopped dead in my tracks. I stared at it. I reached out and softly brushed my hand against the wood. It was my bow, untouched after all that. It collected dust, and I could never touch it fully. I closed the door, and I looked at my hand. It had been three years since I had used it. I never touched it after that.

It left an odd feeling, and I walked out before anything else could happen. I let my feet take me where ever, and the next thing I found myself standing in front of the well. I froze, looking at it with a death glare. I was so close to it. So close that I heard the small humming noise clear as day.

How I deceive myself. I just can't let it all go. I just can't. And thinking back, his note is my last hope. My last hope to returning. Is it really time? I don't know if everything will be better or worse.

I turned from it, feeling the regret and guilt filling my body. It's now or never. I ran back into my room and stopped before the closet. I slowly opened it and grabbed my dusty bow. I grabbed it and my arrows before strapping it on.

I can't back away, not anymore. I need to find the answers. I went back and looked at the well with fear. I touched it, the warm feeling filling my body, making me feel relieved. Then I tossed over one leg and soon the other.

I sat on the edge, and all I needed to do was push off. Push off and I will finally return. I gazed down at the endless pit, seeing the light purplish glow. I closed my eyes as I slid forward, falling into the well.

And the next thing was when I opened my eyes, I was already holding into the edge of the well, pulling myself up. When I did, I didn't look around to see if anyone was around. But when I was standing fully, I heard something. I looked straight ahead and there I saw him. He still wore his same type of clothing, the red robe from his father. He had a smile on his face, and he ran up to me. I stiffened as he hugged me.

"Oh god, Kagome. You know how long it has been? I've missed you so much. So much."

He then tried to stop himself from bawling, and a few loose tears escaped from his golden eyes as he looking deep into mine. He cupped my face, another tear making its way down his sleek face.

"Kagome, for three years I have waited for you to return. And those three years I never gave up on you. I realized who I truly loved. And that person, is you Kagome. I love you."

"I love you too, Inuyasha."

I said to him, as I felt tears going down my face. He leaned in, closing his eyes as I did, and he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me tenderly.

This was the answer I needed. I, I can't believe that I was so stupid to wait for this! I can't believe it. Then he broke the kiss, smiling as he wiped away a tear with his thumb.

"Please don't dry any longer Kagome. I'm here now, so please don't cry any longer."

He said and he pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of his body. I can't believe how stupid I was. But I finally got my answer after so long. And I no longer cut myself. This time, I will start off with a fresh start.


End file.
